Rolling around every nine weeks or so is results day. CT last week results in today. There is no reason that things should be any different. The last two result days have seen a significant reduction in disease cause for celebration – In my head at least. Col says he still has cancer.
But still, the anxiety starts to build a few days before. Not knowing, less about the what ifs and more about the when its. We know that no matter how good the results last time or today or next time, it is only a reprieve. At some point in the future, maybe this afternoon, maybe next month, next year or in 20 years the news will be that the cancer is winning again. The longer it is until that happens, the more life we can squeeze into the present before chemo, the side effects and symptomatic disease get to call the shots again.
We have got pretty good at living in the day to day moment; future planning causes the issue. The kids have noticed that all of a sudden the breaks are off. No longer one overseas trip a year, each school holiday, itineraries are appearing with once in a lifetime opportunities – Komodo dragons in Indonesia, Antarctica, interspersed with rough camping in the Mid West with mates. All equally targeted at committing memories to the bank for bleaker times.
We are a week shy of six months since diagnosis. Life has changed beyond recognition and almost not at all. Colin hasn’t been back to work since. The absence of working long stressful hours in a dungeon shows. He looks healthier now than he has done for a long time. We have adjusted to being in each other’s space more, each finding ways to secure some space for ourselves. The kids have grown used to having two parents with which to do things. The sports runs and bed-time stories shared between us. We look forward to upcoming weddings and family get-togethers from across the world. Aware that time together is perhaps limited but at the same time feeling immunity from other less significant worries.
Six months in and we are out of the earthquake, damage control measures have been effective. For now, at least we can get on with enjoying the opportunities that being well, with a terminal diagnosis bring.