Walking along Lavender bay in Sydney Im filled with a Joy De Vivre, a lust for life and new adventures. A huge grin spreads across my face. Views of the Harbour bridge, Opera house, yachts bobbing on the sun streaked water fill me with excitement and positivity, life is amazing.
Within seconds, I feel the tears welling in my eyes, the heave of my chest as I suppress a sob that takes my breath away. So it is, the adjustment, the life altering moments that smack you in the face. Almost at once, I’m giggling at my own ridiculousness, looking on at the change in mood with wonder, who the hell feels like this all at once? I do it seems.
It’s the first time I’ve spent anytime on my own during our week break in Sydney. Its glorious of course, I ate some chocolate without hiding it from the kids, read a few chapters of a “Man called Ove’ and walked the Sydney harbour bridge into the Rocks, rewarding my brave ass (back when I was scared of things in life, I was terrified of crossing bridges) with a cold beer and a tour around the Susanna Place museum. Time in my own head. Ahhhhh.
I realise that we have also had a holiday from cancer this week. Col has been so well, it was easy to forget about the Trojan horse in his lung. We didn’t talk about cancer, chemo, dying, futures or really anything deeper than which curry to order and how the tiny 2 bed flat in an ugly 60s tower was easily worth as much or more as out 4 bed character home back in WA. It felt good. The kids relaxed, we fashioned new adventures and laid down some feel good memories.
This week we are just a normal family (whatever one of those is). Not a family living with dying or treatment side effects. It wasn’t that long ago that we lurched from minute to minute, trying to hold it all together. Yet, 5 months in and we’ve just nailed a week of not worrying, damm it feels good.