A simple ‘I love you Mum’ is all every Mum really wants on Mother’s Day. I just read this claptrap on a theatre flyer.
NO – It is not.
I’m calling it early and in time for any kids or Dads out there with that as a plan. The shops are open all day or phone a florist.
I accept there are circumstances when not everybody wants to release the love doves for their mothers. But if you are well, alive, fed, safe and on speaking terms with your mum? It’s time to put yourself out for the day.
I’ve collected some “Mothers Day Gift horror stories this week. Where well Intentioned partners failed to ensure that the glorious mothers to their offspring were properly and suitably acknowledged – For everything they have and continue to do.
The “treasures” made at school are adorable but not enough! An additional gift on the kids’ behalf from you, their partner recognises her worth to you as the mother of your children. Its saying thank you for not taking off with the hot cabana boy from last years holiday; (with whom she could have had wild, irresponsible sex for days on end, or just bid him to bring tea and cake at regular intervals whilst she reads in peace.)
For any whiney-arsed puritan out there reckoning that a mother’s love is “all about the giving”? “ Shut up”
For one day a year (or really for about 2 hours) mothers get to put themselves before all the rest of the family. So grab it, insist upon it and eat it greedily and selfishly, because it’s what happens for the rest of the year for the much of the family.
I’ve helpfully collated a list of gifts that are not suitable for mother’s day!
A kitten or puppy, or in-fact anything else that shits and makes noise. The lady has enough to do with looking after ANYthing else. This is not a present for any Mum with kids still at home. Definitely not for those with kids who still need bottoms wiped.
2. Crappy tacky jewellery from any-where that also sells toilet rolls, kitchen appliances or pegs. Unless momma has explicitly asked for it.
3. Household cleaning appliances – No a fricken vacuum cleaner is not a mother’s day present. If mum really wants/needs one, then just buy it and get her some lovely flowers and chocolate or wonder-woman socks to go with it. But cleaning equipment is NOT a “mum” present.
4.Sexy toys/undies – Its mothers day and it’s just not what’s going on in her head that morning. Unless of course, you have sent her to a swanky hotel with the cabana boy.
5. Flowers from the garage around the corner – Just no. If your too tight/skint to buy from a florist so as to get the nice paper and ribbon (yes it’s important) then at least head off to the garden centre and buy a nice plant. Flowers from the garage say “shit I forgot and can’t be arsed to put more effort in.”6.
6.Something for yourself – Is the present actually a gift for mother or for you? Will she really want to play “call of duty?” She already plays her own version every day.
I get that money can be tight. Time is not. It happens once a year. So if you haven’t already put together a plan for something fabulous, make it a priority right now. (If you planned any of the NOT suitable gifts time to STOP, and re think)
Big bang for small bucks. – Suggestions for the lighter pocket.
1. Put together a voucher booklet for mum to spend. Such as 5 x 30-minute foot rub” “guilt-free night out” “dinner and kitchen clean up for a week”.
2.Something homemade – This isn’t an excuse to break out the toilet rolls and glue. Try some special biscuits baked with love & elegantly wrapped. (see Pinterest)
3.A good book and time to read it. (avoid self-improvement books.)
4. Buy a nice notebook and fill it messages about why your mum is loved and your favourite things about her. (a few pages isn’t enough, but you don’t have to fill each page)
And yes, tell her and show her you love and appreciate her. Breakfast in bed and a day where somebody else takes over her schedule is just fabulous.